FIRST dates can be a nerve-wracking experienceespecially if you’ve never met the person before.
There are so many unwritten rules – from how long to stay to when to text if you like them without looking “too hot”.
And with so many people connecting through dating apps like Tinder and Bumble these days, how can you tell if there’s real chemistry?
Relationship expert Jo Hemmings says, “Whether you’re a dating veteran or a single newbie, first dates are always nerve-wracking. Mutually.
“That’s part of the potential excitement of where it could go.”
Here, she shares her tips for making your next first date go smoothly — and the red flags to watch out for.
90 minute rule
Plan to limit your first date to an hour and a half maximum.
That way you can avoid all the anxiety about whether or not you like each other or where it might lead by telling them before the date that you need to be somewhere else later.
If you find that the date goes better than expected, you’re either sticking to your plan or mysterious cancellation ensues.
Pick a Tuesday
Sunday evenings are the main app dating time. Then meet your match, chat on Monday and meet up on a Tuesday.
No need to hover around waiting for the weekend, Tuesday (or straight away Wednesday) is the perfect time for a first date during the week.
If you really like each other, it paves the way for a follow-up appointment over the weekend.
The first impression counts
You may try to revise your first impression of your first date because you want to please them or not to upset them.
Or maybe because you want to give them a chance, which is all good.
But notice and remember your first reaction to her when you saw her in that first moment.
It can be quite revealing. Your heart may not miss a beat, but those few seconds are often more important than we’d like to believe.
And an initial “can’t” feeling probably won’t reverse, no matter how hard you try.
You’re not on The Apprentice
I know a first date is a a little like a job interview to assess whether you are a good match or not.
But try not to fire off a bunch of questions on your date.
It will make you both feel even more uncomfortable.
Sure, you eat healthy – and even if you don’t and live off Maccy D’s, you want them to think you do, right?
But just about anything small and green — from spinach to parsley to watercress — has a nagging habit of catching on your teeth right where your smile is widest.
Actions speak louder
Signaling whether you like someone—or not—on a first date can be put into words.
A simple tip is to lean in towards them when you like them and back away from them when you don’t.
It’s subtle enough to get the message across and easily picked up by your date.
The WOW rule
This is wine, a water.
It’s easy to get messy on a first date because you’re too anxious to eat or because a few drinks give you a little Dutch cheer.
To keep your head clear, drink a glass of water between each alcoholic drink.
You will thank me in the morning.
keep an open mind
You shouldn’t be expected to go into details on the first date about what your wedding day will be like or how many children you want.
But if you’re looking for something casual or more serious, be honest about what you want.
Respect your date’s views and openness, even if you didn’t expect it.
But listen to your instincts.
Your date might start talking about their ex, something politically uncomfortable, or just behave in a way that you know doesn’t feel right.
If your gut tells you something is wrong, apologize and just walk away.
When to text
First, there’s nothing more uncomfortable than seeing a couple on their first date nervously glancing at their phone to check pings and notifications.
Your phone may be a modern security blanket, but alerts can wait. put it away
If you enjoyed your date and would like to see them again, have them send you a thank you text when you get home.
It shows enthusiasm without being overzealous.
If you didn’t like them, you don’t have to go on at all.
First dates are often first and last dates, don’t fool someone you don’t like.
5 red flags for the first date
- Pressure you to do something you said or indicated no to. Whether it’s pushing you for another drink, snogging you, going out longer, or inviting you back in, no one should make you feel uncomfortable or guilty about what you do or don’t want to do.
- rudeness to others. Nice to you but rude to waiters or others around them? This suggests a less than nice character who may be trying to charm you but has little respect for people in general.
- Denial – the compliment with the back. “You look good for your age.” “I like blonde hair, even if it’s out of a bottle.” “I don’t usually go for curvy women, but you’re pretty enough to get away with it.” This is done to create self-doubt and get them to approve of you. Basically an early form of gaslighting.
- Speaking of “crazy” ex-partners. Talking about exes on a first date is never recommended, but speaking derogatory or negatively about them is definitely not acceptable. It shows disregard and disrespect towards both you and them.
- Ask some questions about you, but like to talk about yourself. If they aren’t curious about you, then they might be disinterested. But if they hardly ever ask you anything and are happy to talk about themselves and their accomplishments and successes, this is a big red pointer to a narcissistic personality, poor emotional intelligence, or immaturity and is best avoided. If they can’t make the effort to have a two-way conversation at this early stage, it’s very unlikely they’ll change.
https://www.the-sun.com/lifestyle/6319779/relationship-expert-first-date-rules-texting/ I’m a relationship expert – 9 golden rules for first dates, including the best night to meet and how long to wait before texting