Jimmy Kimmel calls out the slap, lack of invitees, lack of female director nominees at the Oscars

Jimmy Kimmel wasn’t kidding when he promised there would be no slaps at this year’s Oscars. The late-night presenter turned up for this third appearance as the Oscars host with plenty of backup to prevent a repeat of last year’s infamous incident between Will Smith and Chris Rock.

“We want you all to feel safe… and we want to Me to feel safe, so we have strict guidelines,” Kimmel said at the end of his monologue, before calling out the action heroes in the crowd who would be involved in putting those “guidelines” into practice.

“If either of you guys get mad at a joke and decide to come over here and ‘cheer with it,’ ‘then you’ll have to go through Adonis Creed to get to me,'” Kimmel said as the cameras cut across the newly minted Creed III Treasurer Michael B. Jordan. And Rocky’s student wasn’t the only shouter in the crowd. “You have to fight Michelle Yeoh before you come to me,” Kimmel continued, as the Asian action film icon — and best actress nominee — struck a wild pose from her seat.

Kimmel’s protectors’ appeal included Pedro “The Mandalorian” Pascal, Andrew “Spider-Man” Garfield (unfortunately his No way home The Spider-Bros Tom Holland and Tobey Maguire weren’t there), Steven “Jaws” Spielberg, and of course Guillermo…no, not them Pinocchio Director. “The cute little man will beat the Lydia Tár out of you,” Kimmel said of his late-night pal. “We don’t have time for gimmicks tonight.”

Kimmel also took a not-so-subtle dig at the producing team, which allowed Rock Smith “shenanigans” to distract from last year’s accolades. “If someone commits an act of violence in this theater at any point in the show, you’ll be awarded a best actor Oscar and get to give a 19-minute speech,” he said, citing the academy’s inaction or the show’s producers directly after the slap.

“The academy has set up a crisis response team and if anything unpredictable or violent happens during the ceremony, just do what you did last year. Nothing. Just sit there and do absolutely nothing. Maybe even hug the attacker.”

The story goes on

Smith and Rock weren’t the only absent characters Kimmel called from the stage. He also noted how odd it was that the theater experience’s biggest advocates – James Cameron and Tom Cruise – turned down the opportunity to spend nearly four hours at the Dolby Theatre. Cruise also specifically declined to attend January’s Golden Globes, which opened the door for ceremony host Jerrod Carmichael to crack a Scientology joke that immediately went viral.

Kimmel promptly took a page from Carmichael’s book and praised Cruise’s performance on the beach volleyball scene Top Gun: Maverick. “Tom Cruise shirtless? L Ron Hubba Hubba.”

As for Cameron, Kimmel used that avatar Absence of the director as a means to do so Do like Natalie Portman at the 2018 Golden Globes and comment on the clear lack of female nominees in the Best Director category. “I mean, how can the academy not nominate the guy who directed Avatar? What do you think he is, a woman?” The presenter specifically referred to two high-profile female-directed films that have been snubbed – Until And The Woman King — and encouraged audiences at home to seek them out.

Too bad Woman King herself, Viola Davis, wasn’t in the audience; Considering her action hero transformation, she could have joined Adonis Creed and Spider-Man to keep the ceremony gimmick-free.